Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
