I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
