pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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