ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
