I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
