I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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