That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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