Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
