She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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