Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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