On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
