we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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