Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
