every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish i was in the wii world.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
