That's intense
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize