Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
