new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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