the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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