I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
