i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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