i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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