There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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