I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
