Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
