Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
