There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
