Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
