So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
