I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize