i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
