they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my shit smells like andre
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
