She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize