so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
