Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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