I wanna passion pit in your ass
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
