Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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