Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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