You're so nebulous sometimes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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