if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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