im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
