everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
