dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
