a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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