does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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