Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
