the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
