ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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