Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
