we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
