1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
