Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
