Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
