u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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