i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
