woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
