I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
