I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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