I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
