Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just forgot I was standing up.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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