When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
