4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
