you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
