8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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