your thong is hanging out like whoa
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
