So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
