Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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