I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As shirtless as possible
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
