I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
