Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
