bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
