I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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