I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
