My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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