Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
is that a dick in a sweater?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
