just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
