on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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