He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
