he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
