butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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